L-Space Chronicles

As suggested by the Brain Hurting Fanfic Pairer
(www.seventhsanctum.com/generat…)
And with apologies to Terry Pratchett and Square Enix


L-Space Chronicles: Sand on the Boots of Ignominy


It was a quiet day at the Unseen University, as days there went; which is to say that the Archchancellor was keeping sufficiently amused, the Bursar's dried frog pills were in good supply, and there had been no explosions, posessions or otherworldly incursions.  It was, in short, the perfect sort of day to catalogue new additions to the Library.

The Librarian wasn't really feeling himself, but he was alright with that as he hadn't been feeling himself for as long as anybody could remember; a magical accident had left him transformed into an orangutan long ago, and that suited him just fine when it came to reshelving ancient magical tomes.  He opened the drawer of his desk and plucked out a banana for the ensuing journey and made his way into the hazardous depths of the Library.  For any other this would have been foolhardy, venturing past dangerous tomes and into the dark corners where the Library intersected with L-Space - that place containing all that is written or would be written, connecting every book, scroll and grocery list to the Infinite.

The Librarian wove his way between the words towards a peculiar corner of L-Space that day, where the connections were tighter, brighter and more twisted.  What might one find here, in this realm of strange connections?

It was an errant thought about a particular edition of National Geographic that distracted him, causing him to miss his handhold and fall through the bottom of L-Space into...


*****


"Idiots!"  A sharp-nosed clown with manic eyes screeched at two cringing guards standing inside the tall double doors of the Imperial Library.  "You bothered me over some mangy animal?!"

"But General Kefka..."  Vicks flinched and stopped abruptly under the General's scorching glare.  Wedge, less astute than his comrade, continued, "It looks a bit tough, Sir!  And after that incident with the mu, we thought..."

"Very well, you bumbling morons!"  Kefka stormed through the foyer towards a large desk and the strange creature reclining comfortably in a chair behind it.  "I'll show you how to deal with the local fauna!"

The orangutan looked up from a copy of 'Blue Magic Weekly' to take in the apparently hostile newcomer.  In the universal sign of friendship, the Librarian proffered a slightly battered banana across the periodicals desk.  "Ook."  Kefka examined the ginger simian with a wary eye and snarled to the anxious soldiers, "And when I find out which one of you let a stupid monkey into the library, I'll..."

"ORANGUTANS ARE APES, ACTUALLY."  All he'd had time to register was a flash of orange fur and the aroma of crushed banana.  The grim clown's ethereal remainder gaped down at his crumpled physical form in grudging awe; he would never have guessed that his right nostril could strech far enough to accommodate his left foot.  "SUICIDE IS SUCH A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO TEMPORARY IGNORANCE."

"Ah...  You must be the anthropomorphic embodiment of Death, yes?"  Kefka looked the robed, bony figure up and down.  "I admit, I'd been hoping for someone more... buxom."

"I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE THE WRONG FANFIC; I BELIEVE THE LIBRARIAN PASSED THAT ONE ON HIS WAY HERE."

"Well listen, I'm a very busy man.  I've got things to do, populations to poison, continents to rip in half - can't I just get a redo here?  I mean, this is a stupid waste of a perfectly good plot."

"DO YOU HAVE ANY PHOENIX DOWN?"

"Um."

"I'M AFRAID THAT'S THAT, THEN.  BUT IT'S NOT SO BAD.  YOU GET A CAMEO AS A SUMMON AFTER A FEW SEQUELS."

"Bugger that," said the ghost of Kefka.